Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
