Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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