We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
