i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
