so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
