A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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