ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just had sex on a roof
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
