Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize