hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
