Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize