Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
