every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i think my cat just said my name.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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