I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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