I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
