He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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