U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
