when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
