Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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