Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
