he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
