Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Every concussion has its silver lining
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
