I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ugly people sure do ruin things
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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