she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize