Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
