I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
