Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
