I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize