Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize