wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk is not a location!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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