just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
