fuck your aforementioned shoe
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
