Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize