I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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