i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
