If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
