Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize