you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
