she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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