they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
