I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
