I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
