I think I won the penis lottery.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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