She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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