you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
