what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
