thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
