I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
