just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
