Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
