I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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