I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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