On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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