all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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