does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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