Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize