who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
