They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
