I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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