I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
