I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
